E....is for Ego

It shuts out humility.

Has no place for 'sorry'                                                      

Always defiant

The Ego

No softness of heart

No gentle words

Stubborn, ruthless

The Ego

Never remorseful

Rude and overbearing

Blinded to truth

The Ego

Misguided and alone

No friend or foe

Simply because of

The Ego

……Man’s worst enemy

Going round in circles …..

Yes, that’s me, navigationally challenged, often lost on the road and driving miles to nowhere - despite  printed directions  off Google Maps, for reference.

Seriously, I don’t get it; when I miss a turn, or fail to see a landmark, which I should have seen soon after I made a turn, why do I keep going, hoping it will appear like a genie? Common sense should tell me to turn back, but no, Miss Know It All, who is actually clueless, drives on and on with no end in sight! Guess common sense is really not that common after all.

After several such incidents, my patience was wearing thin, I decided enough is enough and thought of getting a GPS.

Initially hubby dearest said, ‘you really don’t need one, it is simple common sense, this is North, this is South….”

“Oh no, don’t North South me, just knowing my left from my right is challenging enough. I need clear instructions and I need a GPS.”

I guess he knew better than to argue with a ranting wife so Mr. GPS came into my life.

If I thought that was the end of my woes, far from it. I used it for the first time recently and as soon as I heard ‘turn left,’ I did so. I guess I have selective hearing too, because on hindsight Mr GPS had clearly said in a most authoritative tone, ‘turn left after one mile’ but a twit like me got that wrong too.

At this point, my frustration of driving on unchartered territory is beyond belief and I am this close to experiencing road rage, which should be cause for concern for other drivers too who are oblivious to the challenges I face, when driving on my own.

So what are my options – well, if I were to win millions in the lottery, I could pay for a chauffeur to drive me to and from my destinations. Maybe I could go one step further and invest in a brand new car and a uniformed chauffeur to go with that.

Wait a minute, forget the car, I might as well go all nine yards and settle for a private jet – I know, I know, that’s a pretty far-fetched idea and it will definitely be beyond my budget,  but hey, it doesn’t cost to dream and its tax-free too!

Mum knows best…that was then, not now!

Growing up, I realised that the saying ‘mum knows best’ was absolutely true. My mum knew everything and was always, always right, no question about that.

Come to think of it, we never questioned, we just did what we were told. Children today are confident, bold, want an explanation, will question everything, answer back and overall make themselves heard.

As with all mothers, I want what’s best for my children and I have tried but I still have a lot to learn. For starters I am not my mother, I couldn’t even be like her,  so I am not even trying; secondly, I don’t have all the answers and I am not always right.

As parents, we need to realise that, other than instilling strong family values, it is tough to bring up children the exact same way that we were brought up.

In today’s competitive world, children too face a lot of peer pressure that can be overwhelming for them to handle.

All you can do is to nurture your children, be supportive, love them unconditionally and make them feel they are valued, thus paving the way for building a secure foundation, on which they can thrive and grow to become responsible and caring human beings.

The fact is that  to some extent, we have to move with the times and adjust our mindset if we want to stay connected and build a strong relationship with our children.

Alternatively, you can force them to conform to your way of thinking and risk losing them altogether.

Furthermore, there comes a time, as painful as it is, when you have to loosen the apron strings and let go even if it hurts to watch them stumble and fall, because it is only through trial and error that they will learn how to fly.

Over time, if I have taught my children about life, I have learnt a lot from them too. If I have been right, there are many times I have been wrong and I have never hesitated to admit my mistakes. By doing so, I have taught them the importance of being accountable for their actions and not let ego blind their judgement.

Just because you are a parent, doesn’t make you perfect in any way. Just because you are a parent, doesn’t mean things have to always be your way.

Being a parent, is about respecting your children for who they are, not judging, not criticizing, not putting them down and yet letting them know who is in charge.

Be a kind, patient teacher yet teaching them right from wrong would be ineffective, if you don’t practise what you preach.

There will be times when your patience will be stretched, you will rant and rave and want to pull your hair out, but it is okay to have a meltdown, because none of us is perfect.

Children today are so much smarter than we were at their age. They are quick to learn, they know what they want and are ambitious. They have much more in terms of opportunities and material comforts and many are a pampered lot, but that's our doing, not theirs.

So although we would like to think we know best, we don't always do. I think I speak for many, when I say that being a parent can be a demanding, frustrating and thankless 24/7 job, but on the flipside, it is truly a rewarding experience.

YOUR TIME IS NOW….

To start doing what it takes, to accomplish your goals. Not tomorrow, not next week, but today - now.

It is not enough to set an intention; it is a good start, but it won’t get you anywhere if you are going to procrastinate with an endless list of excuses, most of which are so lame, even you don’t believe them.

What is our constant excuse - lack of time? I am the first to plead guilty. On hindsight, I have time to sleep, sometimes more than 8 hours a day. I have time to eat, to play Scrabble and Candy Crush on my Ipad, to be a couch potato and watch episodes of Big Bang and Two and a Half Men, but for starters I don’t have time to exercise or work on my writing goals.

The fact of the matter is that laziness won’t get you anywhere; it just keeps you stuck in the same place and then you wonder why you are so frustrated. Well now you know!

Because the bottom line is, that for every goal you have to define a deadline. For every goal you need to be committed, be consumed with a passion, driven by a hunger to succeed. So how driven are you? How much of yourself, of your time, are you willing to commit to achieve your goals?

Ask yourself – are you ready to commit? If so what are you waiting for…Christmas?

Are you a whiner?

We all have our off days. Remember how some days nothing goes right and we fly off the handle? Needless to say, we are not fun to be around, when in tantrum mode.

While it is okay to have such days, what a pain in the butt you would be if you behaved that way on a regular basis.

Who would want to interact with you, knowing only too well, that your only response to the social etiquette of asking how you are would probably be answered with the woes of life and the world overall?

Did you stop to think that things could be worse? Aren’t you grateful that it isn’t so?

Yeah, I hear you mumbling ‘Whatever! What would you know,” but trust me, I know – been there, done that.

I have screamed and cried to get stuff out of my system and it is amazing how wonderful it feels, like the calm after the storm.

So really the decision of how you react to the craziness in your life is up to you, because no matter what, no one can make you ‘feel’ those negative or positive emotions. Your reaction to other people or situations is yours to control.  

You can choose to remain grouchy and miserable and mess it up for yourself and everyone around you or you can pull socks up, focus on happier thoughts and indulge in whatever you can do to make you feel better.

We all know that nothing is permanent. Things change, people change, circumstances change. Every morning brings a new dawn, a new ray of hope and promise – isn’t it better to feel  hopeful rather than hopeless?

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. Which one would you choose?

You are richer than you think

Why do we have a tendency to complain about the negative issues in our lives rather than using that energy to focus on the positive? Sometimes, it seems to me, that we are the cause of our own unhappiness.

We have to remember, that everything we want in life, is not a need, but more a want, a desire and while it is wonderful to get what we want, it is not the end all and be all of our lives, if we don’t.

I met up with a friend over coffee recently and listened patiently while she lamented about everything that was wrong with her life.

She hated her job, she felt unappreciated at home, she felt fat and ugly and she wished she had more money to fulfill her desires.

I looked at her in disbelief and simply said:

“You are richer than you think!”

“Haven’t you heard a word I just said?”

“Oh I heard every word it’s just that I don’t understand what you are talking about!”

Her shocked expression was priceless and taking advantage of her silence I continued,

“Have you ever stopped and counted all the things that are good in your life?”

“Nothing is!”

Ignoring her comment, I continued, “you have a job, yes, you don’t like it, but it helps pays the bills, until you find something better. You have a family, children who are in school and doing well, a roof over your head, a warm bed at night, food to eat, good health, friends and a reasonable social life – does that not count for anything?”

“Well, I guess so, but most people have that too,” she jumped in.

“Don’t take these things for granted or compare your life to others. In fact, if you look around you, there are many who don’t even have half of what you have, while there are others, who have more than you do, but focus on what you have, not on what you don’t have!

Many of us are like my friend. Our wants are more than our needs and while there is nothing wrong with wanting and wishing for more, let it not be at the cost of appreciating what we already have.

Just because you don’t see the forest for the trees, does not mean it doesn’t exist. It does, but we are too blinded to see it.

We all have so much to be grateful for, with or without the rose-tinted glasses and yes, we are all richer than we think!

Running out of excuses….

My mirror is far from being my best friend these days. While I don’t expect to have an hour glass figure (although that would be ideal), who am I kidding. Seriously though, it drives me crazy when the bulges stare back at me, a clear indication that healthy eating is not part of my lifestyle anymore and has long left the building!

So what’s my excuse?  There are several, infact.

 “I am exhausted when I get back from work,”, “I have to cook and have no time or ‘I just don’t feel like it.”

While the excuses are genuine, they are rather lame and I berate myself many a time too, with endless conversations rattling through my head.

“Listen Missy, that butt of yours is not pretty, you need to work it.”

“I know, I know, but wait…it’s not all that bad….”

“Well, there is nothing good about it either.”

“Hmm…crunches tomorrow, for sure….and just to show how serious I am…I will make it 200 crunches.”

Tomorrow never comes, no wait, there is always tomorrow, but then promises are meant to be broken, so I procrastinate until I reach frustration point again and all hell breaks loose.

It brings out the crazy side of me, as I watch every morsel I put into my mouth, I exercise till my body begs for mercy and I am on a roll.

Ofcourse the first couple of days are sheer torture, as my body is sore and probably in a state of shock after the onslaught, until slowly but surely, I am not huffing and puffing, I have more stamina and I feel so energized, I cant believe it!

Victory is bitter sweet, as my clothes fit better, people notice the changes and that makes it all worthwhile, but the urge to indulge, lurks dangerously close.

Once again, the conversations in my head are going a mile a minute and driving me crazy.

“I am craving chocolate cake”

“I really shouldn’t, after all the hard work…

“But I deserve a treat.

“Well…your butt finally looks decent…...”

Decent? Well then….

That’s when temptation overrides will power and it wins over all logic. I reach out for the slice of chocolate cake, almost tasting its richness, even before I’ve put it in my mouth and realise how bland life can be, without some sweetness in it.

Overall though, I feel wonderful although I am still prone to giving in to indulgence now and again. But I would like to think that I am more in control and balance it out, which means if I overdo the calorie intake, I make sure I burn it.

There I times though I avoid eating the calorie laden delights, because it is not worth having to work so hard afterwards, to ensure it doesn’t find permanent refuge on my body!

For now though, let’s just take one day at a time.