Another candle on the cake…

I have come to realize that as I get older, birthdays are not something I necessarily look forward to. Surprise birthday parties are worse! I always imagine that I would have to play an integral part in the cleaning up afterwards, so that would be more like a nightmare. Presents?  Most definitely yes and the best present I ensure I always get is a one day vacation from the kitchen – what bliss!

Seriously, I don’t need to be reminded that I am far from being a spring chicken anymore or that my energy level is not like it used to be. I can see it for myself, I am not blind!

Although I have also noticed slight changes in my looks, I proudly refer to them as signs of wisdom. Isn’t there a saying about one year older, one year wiser? No such saying? Oh well, then I just created it, that is my explanation and I am sticking to it.

It has been rightly said, that age is just a number and I am truly grateful for life, for the opportunities it gives me to learn, to grow, to be the person I want to be.

I believe in having fun and laughter, because a day without laughter is truly a day wasted. While it is constant work in progress, I am slowly learning to go with the flow and ensure that each day counts.

Needless to say, years down the road, there wont be enough space to fit all the candles on the cake. Then again, it might just have to be a bigger cake, where you see more candles and less cake that has the taste of candle wax, because of the time it would take to blow out all the candles.

For now, I can handle another candle on the cake and continue to enjoy life as it was meant to be.

Tomorrow may or may not come, but I sure made the best of today.

When my heart speaks, I listen...

My heart and head are at loggerheads once again with each other.

If they think it is funny to mess around with my thought process, their sense of humour leaves a lot to be desired. Quite frankly, it is in bad taste and I am just not amused.

It really drives me round the bend and I can never fathom how they staunchly agree to disagree every time I have to make a serious decision.

More often than not though, my heart’s decision, overrides logic, much to the chagrin of my head.

For as long as I can remember, my heart has ruled my head, in regard to friendships, relationships, career choices and most definitely when it came to love.

In the bargain I endured many emotional upheavals and realised, a bit too late, that I had made a wrong decision, based on the ‘heart’ of the moment, so to speak!

However, at the time, my heart knew what I wanted and what would make me most happy.

I have to admit rather sheepishly though, that my head knows what is best for me, but I would rather have something that makes me happy than something that is good for me.

When it comes to love, can anything be more romantic than listening and following through with a decision, after listening to your heart.

Emotions, after all, are just as powerful as our instincts and sometimes, they do have their way of guiding us to the right direction.

It has been said that the reason why your brain is placed above your heart is because you need to use it first before you let emotions get the best of you.

While listening to the heart and following your emotions is good, it can also be a problem.

If you always rely on your heart to give you the answers that you need, you are also more vulnerable to making wrong decisions.

Emotions are almost always driven by what we want. People see what they want to see, hear what they want to hear and feel what they want to feel.

Seriously though, it wouldn’t hurt to think things through before you make decisions, because the head controls your judgement.

If my head was to rule my heart, I would be able to think more logically than emotionally but I just don’t function that way.

Maybe the best thing would be to use both my head and heart, given that I have been blessed with both, so it seems rather a waste not to use them.

Why then, despite my share of disappointments and heartache, am I none the wiser?

Why do I always rely more on the emotions of my heart, rather than the practical and logical explanations of my head?

It is probably because I am and always will be a hopeless romantic.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not oblivious to the stark realities of the world around me, but I opt to cocoon myself in my own little world.

I am a day dreamer with dazzling stars in my eyes and a song in my heart and I truly believe in the power of my dreams.

I spin dreams that give my life meaning and purpose and make me happy, because without them life would be reduced to a hollow existence.

I am also well aware based on past experiences that I should tread with caution now, weigh the pros and cons, but knowing me, I will in all likelihood, still listen to the yearnings of my heart.

As novelist Paulo Coelho aptly said:

 “Listen to your heart. Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you'll find your treasure."

THE WOES OF INDIAN COOKING

 

Let’s face it - Canadian kitchens are just not equipped to handle onion sautéing, spice laden, Indian cooking.
 

The smoke detector has a field day, every time I sauté onions on a high flame or while baking, when I open the oven door to check if the food is done.
 

I appreciate the safety issue, but for crying out loud, the sound is deafening. While the ear piercing monotone on the main level, is enough to alert the neighbourhood, anyone upstairs will hear, ‘fire, fire.’
 

I still can’t forget the first time that happened and the family came charging downstairs. On hindsight of course it was thoroughly amusing and we could have won first prize in America’s funniest home videos.
 

“What happened, now what did you do?” yells hubby, looking around frantically and somewhat accusingly too, as he scurried around opening doors.
 

Seriously? The alarm is having a meltdown and that’s my fault??
 

“Stupid alarm,” I yelled above the noise, while opening the windows, to let out fumes I can’t even see.
 

My son in the meantime, not too pleased to be woken up from his slumber, waved his arms towards to smoke detector to seemingly clear the air. Yes, he is 6 feet tall, but the smoke detector is still much higher and waving arms will do nothing.
 

“Where are the newspapers?’ he yells, looking around.
 

Of course, you never find something when you need it. At times like this, you also realise that being pro-active is not always ideal, as I run into the garage, pick up some papers from the recycle bin and give it to him.
 

Meanwhile, he has pulled up a chair and is now waving the newspaper close to the detector, which has a mind of its own and won’t stop screeching - somewhat like a man!
 

My daughter, the cleverest of us all, heads down to the basement and turns off the main switch. But she did that without letting anyone know so hubby is freaking out now,
 

“Darn, we have lost the power now!”
 

“No, dad we haven’t, I just turned off the power to stop the noise.”
 

We stayed in darkness for a few seconds, savouring the silence and then cautiously turned on the power again.
 

Sanity returned to our home and with that, cold reality, literally - because we had opened all the doors and windows in the middle of winter and we were now freezing cold, but like they say, all’s well that ends well.
 

I figured there had to be a better way, so I found the switch that was specifically for the fire alarm and then used a black marker to identify it easily.
 

Now, whenever I am cooking, I just turn off the switch and turn it back on, when I am done and with that ends another drama in the Menezes household!

E....is for Ego

It shuts out humility.

Has no place for 'sorry'                                                      

Always defiant

The Ego

No softness of heart

No gentle words

Stubborn, ruthless

The Ego

Never remorseful

Rude and overbearing

Blinded to truth

The Ego

Misguided and alone

No friend or foe

Simply because of

The Ego

……Man’s worst enemy

Going round in circles …..

Yes, that’s me, navigationally challenged, often lost on the road and driving miles to nowhere - despite  printed directions  off Google Maps, for reference.

Seriously, I don’t get it; when I miss a turn, or fail to see a landmark, which I should have seen soon after I made a turn, why do I keep going, hoping it will appear like a genie? Common sense should tell me to turn back, but no, Miss Know It All, who is actually clueless, drives on and on with no end in sight! Guess common sense is really not that common after all.

After several such incidents, my patience was wearing thin, I decided enough is enough and thought of getting a GPS.

Initially hubby dearest said, ‘you really don’t need one, it is simple common sense, this is North, this is South….”

“Oh no, don’t North South me, just knowing my left from my right is challenging enough. I need clear instructions and I need a GPS.”

I guess he knew better than to argue with a ranting wife so Mr. GPS came into my life.

If I thought that was the end of my woes, far from it. I used it for the first time recently and as soon as I heard ‘turn left,’ I did so. I guess I have selective hearing too, because on hindsight Mr GPS had clearly said in a most authoritative tone, ‘turn left after one mile’ but a twit like me got that wrong too.

At this point, my frustration of driving on unchartered territory is beyond belief and I am this close to experiencing road rage, which should be cause for concern for other drivers too who are oblivious to the challenges I face, when driving on my own.

So what are my options – well, if I were to win millions in the lottery, I could pay for a chauffeur to drive me to and from my destinations. Maybe I could go one step further and invest in a brand new car and a uniformed chauffeur to go with that.

Wait a minute, forget the car, I might as well go all nine yards and settle for a private jet – I know, I know, that’s a pretty far-fetched idea and it will definitely be beyond my budget,  but hey, it doesn’t cost to dream and its tax-free too!

Mum knows best…that was then, not now!

Growing up, I realised that the saying ‘mum knows best’ was absolutely true. My mum knew everything and was always, always right, no question about that.

Come to think of it, we never questioned, we just did what we were told. Children today are confident, bold, want an explanation, will question everything, answer back and overall make themselves heard.

As with all mothers, I want what’s best for my children and I have tried but I still have a lot to learn. For starters I am not my mother, I couldn’t even be like her,  so I am not even trying; secondly, I don’t have all the answers and I am not always right.

As parents, we need to realise that, other than instilling strong family values, it is tough to bring up children the exact same way that we were brought up.

In today’s competitive world, children too face a lot of peer pressure that can be overwhelming for them to handle.

All you can do is to nurture your children, be supportive, love them unconditionally and make them feel they are valued, thus paving the way for building a secure foundation, on which they can thrive and grow to become responsible and caring human beings.

The fact is that  to some extent, we have to move with the times and adjust our mindset if we want to stay connected and build a strong relationship with our children.

Alternatively, you can force them to conform to your way of thinking and risk losing them altogether.

Furthermore, there comes a time, as painful as it is, when you have to loosen the apron strings and let go even if it hurts to watch them stumble and fall, because it is only through trial and error that they will learn how to fly.

Over time, if I have taught my children about life, I have learnt a lot from them too. If I have been right, there are many times I have been wrong and I have never hesitated to admit my mistakes. By doing so, I have taught them the importance of being accountable for their actions and not let ego blind their judgement.

Just because you are a parent, doesn’t make you perfect in any way. Just because you are a parent, doesn’t mean things have to always be your way.

Being a parent, is about respecting your children for who they are, not judging, not criticizing, not putting them down and yet letting them know who is in charge.

Be a kind, patient teacher yet teaching them right from wrong would be ineffective, if you don’t practise what you preach.

There will be times when your patience will be stretched, you will rant and rave and want to pull your hair out, but it is okay to have a meltdown, because none of us is perfect.

Children today are so much smarter than we were at their age. They are quick to learn, they know what they want and are ambitious. They have much more in terms of opportunities and material comforts and many are a pampered lot, but that's our doing, not theirs.

So although we would like to think we know best, we don't always do. I think I speak for many, when I say that being a parent can be a demanding, frustrating and thankless 24/7 job, but on the flipside, it is truly a rewarding experience.

YOUR TIME IS NOW….

To start doing what it takes, to accomplish your goals. Not tomorrow, not next week, but today - now.

It is not enough to set an intention; it is a good start, but it won’t get you anywhere if you are going to procrastinate with an endless list of excuses, most of which are so lame, even you don’t believe them.

What is our constant excuse - lack of time? I am the first to plead guilty. On hindsight, I have time to sleep, sometimes more than 8 hours a day. I have time to eat, to play Scrabble and Candy Crush on my Ipad, to be a couch potato and watch episodes of Big Bang and Two and a Half Men, but for starters I don’t have time to exercise or work on my writing goals.

The fact of the matter is that laziness won’t get you anywhere; it just keeps you stuck in the same place and then you wonder why you are so frustrated. Well now you know!

Because the bottom line is, that for every goal you have to define a deadline. For every goal you need to be committed, be consumed with a passion, driven by a hunger to succeed. So how driven are you? How much of yourself, of your time, are you willing to commit to achieve your goals?

Ask yourself – are you ready to commit? If so what are you waiting for…Christmas?